It is not about me....

I know that statement is very easy for us to say and we might even believe that it is the way that we live our lives. For me though, I can say that this life isn’t about me, but I tend to live it like it is.  I am consumed with myself most days. Even being married, I think about Chris a lot but I still spend most of my day thinking about myself, how I feel, how things will effect me and so on. I don’t like this characteristic about myself. I want to be about other people, I want my life to be about serving others and loving others well; but so often I am wrapped up in myself.

I recently just finished reading Tim Keller’s book on Galatians. The last two chapters really hit this idea home for me. The focus of the chapter is Galatians 5:26-6. The verse that really challenged me was verse 26- “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying others”. The greek word for conceit is kenodoxoi, which means “vain-glorious” or  “empty of honor”. Basically it is telling us that when we are conceited we are doing one of two things: we either think of ourselves as better than others, or we see ourselves as inferior to others. Because of this when we are conceited we will end up either provoking or envying others.  We want to provoke others when we think too highly of ourselves and constantly compare ourselves to others to prove we are better than them. We envy others when we think too little of ourselves and look to and desire what others have. We always want something that others have because we believe it will make us feel better. In either case we need others to determine our own worth and value.

I love how the gospel intersects this area of my life. You see the gospel continues to remind that it is never about me. It is never about what I do or how I compare to other people. The gospel reminds me that I am a sinner saved by grace and in desperate need of a savior. It also tells me that I am more loved and cherished than I ever could imagine. You see it takes away that need for comparing myself to others because I am not better than any one else. We are all the same, and are all in need of Jesus. It also takes away the need for others to give me value because my righteousness and worth is rooted in Christ- He loves me; He is my identity and value.

When I live in the freedom of this truth and allow the gospel to really take root in my life it frees me up to enjoy life. It frees me up to embrace others, to take on challenges that I don’t think I can do and it frees me to fail. It allows me to be ok with the future because I know it isn’t about me. It has never been about me nor will it ever be about me. What it is about is Christ working in me to do the work that He has called me to. He will provide what I need to do the things he has called me and my family to do.

For more information check out Tim Keller’s book on Galatians:
 http://www.amazon.com/Galatians-You-Reading-Feeding-Leading/dp/1908762578/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377140808&sr=8-1&keywords=tim+keller+galatians

Learning to Listen

I have been reading a couple of books on listening. One is Soultalk by Larry Crabb and the other one is Can you Hear Me Now by Dallas Demmitt. Both are very good and enlightening. I have always viewed myself as a good listener but I have come to think differently. As I read these books that describe listening and having life giving conversations, I find myself not really knowing too much. For me, when I engage in conversation with people, I listen to what they say, but then I usually try and solve their problem or find a way to relate to them. I have come to discover that I do this because it is selfish. Giving advice is not a bad thing or trying to relate it to yourself is not bad either, but when that becomes the norm in your conversation, I realize for myself, it is selfish. 

The conversations that these books describes take work. It take really listening and and engaging with the person you are in front of. For me, it means turning off my cell phone and focusing on the person. I have not finished SoulTalk, but from what I have read, I love it. It talks about thinking beneath what is being said. Not trying to solve the persons problems but loving them and most importantly, listening to the Holy Spirit. I want to give the people I meet with more of Jesus, not more of Melody. In order to be able to hear the Spirit, it means that I have to be spending time with God. I have to be aware of what Gods heart is for me personally as well as the person I am meeting with. It take intentionality. 

I have found in general that there is usually a lot more to what people are saying than what they say at first. I am talking about the harder, deep, life conversations that people have. When we start sharing, we don't always know what is going on in our heart ourselves, so it makes it difficult to share with others. But the thing is, I have found that we want to know, we want to be able to describe what is going on in our life. I know I do. I know that it takes me a while to get there. It takes a person being patient to listen, to create an environment that is safe and welcomingr. It takes work and takes time. My husband is a very good listener, he is the kind that gives life to people when you talk to him. He never makes it about himself and he usually is pretty good about not trying to solve the problem. 

I am still learning about what it looks like to listen and listen well. I want to be a part of conversations that brings Jesus to people. I know that it will take practice. I know that it requires hard work. But I also know that this kind of listening can bring hope to hurting people. It can introduce them to a God who loves them and cares about them. I am part of the body of Christ and I can be an extension of Gods love by listening to those in front of me, not making it about me or trying to solve their problems. I don't want to run away if the problem seems to big or too difficult. I want to sit in the mess of this life that we have at times. I want to be anchored in Christ and who he says that I am, that I don't look for others and conversation to validate me. I want them to know that there is God who is with them! I want to be used by God!

Persistence

This week was my turn to speak at our weekly Cru meeting. We have been going through parables so I decided that I would talk about the persistent widow. I have always been a pretty persistent person so I thought this would be easy to relate to. Growing up I would ask and ask again for things. When I really wanted something and set my mind to it, I would not give up. This can be a good quality at times but also obnoxious to those on the other end.

As I read this parable and prepared for it, it was pretty straightforward. Jesus is encouraging the disciples to persist in their prayers, to not lose heart. He shares the story of the persistent widow and the unjust judge. You can find it in Luke 18. He explains that if the unjust judge who didn’t care for people or God, would give justice to the widow, how much more will our heavenly father who loves us, give us justice. It is an encouragement to persist in our prayers, to keep coming before God and asking him for things.

I was thinking about the application for it and it struck me that as much as a persistent person I am, when it comes to praying for other people and other things, I lack that persistence. I am very persistent when it comes to my own issues but for some reason I lack it for others. It was like this light bulb went off in my head, not one that I really liked but good to know. Don’t get me wrong; I do pray for others, I am just not persistent in my prayers for them mostly because I forget. I get consumed in my own world and my own wants. This is something that I want to change. I want to be a person that prays consistently for others. I don’t want to skip through life and be consumed with own little world but to be consumed with others.

I am so glad that I serve a God who is gracious to help me do this. I know left to my own strength I will fail. In my own strength, I will stay consumed with self but through God’s strength I can begin to persist in prayers for other people. I love that I don’t have to try and do it on my own; instead I can go before God and ask him to do it in and through me! It is such a relief to know that I can rest in him. What a mighty, loving and grace-filled God I get to serve!

Resting

I have learned a lot about resting over the past month. For most of my life I have struggled with what it looks like rest and then to actually do it. I tend to find my value in what I do and honestly I really like accomplishing tasks as well as staying busy. I have always seen resting as something that people do but it really never quite fit into my schedule. I always felt that the things I had to do and my schedule was more important than that. I have seen the things I do as dependent upon me and my completely it. I know this is not a good thing. I know our bodies need rest but I really have struggled to actually take the time to do it.

Lucky for me, I married a man who is really good at resting. Chris has this amazing ability to put things aside and take a break. Even when his schedule is busy and there is lots going on he finds time to stop. I have been amazed at his ability to do this. I always viewed the task at hand as the most important thing, but my husband sees life as a whole and his well being as well as his relationship with God and others as most important. I love that so much about him! I love that he takes the commandment to rest seriously. He doesn't seem to get caught up in the pressure of this world to do more. He does what he is called to do and then rests when he needs to.

In the very beginning of time, we received the command to rest. As we all know, God created the world in 6 days and then took the 7th day is rest. I mean if the creator of the universe worked for 6 days and rested on the 7th, you would think that we should follow his example. Then when Jesus comes along, we see him many times throughout scripture that he pulled away to spend time with God, to rest.

I am learning slowly the importance and value of rest. I am learning what is looks like to take the commandment of having a Sabbath day. I have been reading a book on rest by Mark Buchanan. He talks about how we are called to take an actual day of rest but that resting is also a state of mind. That through our relationship with God, we are able to approach each day in a state of rest. When I think about this, I see how amazing this would be. In Hebrews 10, it describes how Jesus as our High Priest had offered himself as the ultimate sacrifice and is now SITTING at Gods right hand. He did the ultimate work and is now resting. What hope and peace we can find in this. We dont have to work to gain the approval of others or to be seen as valuable. We can actually REST. We still do the work we have been called to do but we do it in the state of REST. We give it all to God. Like the verse in Matthew, we give him our yoke and take his yoke, which is easy and light. I am still learning....

Matthew 11:28-29 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 

The Art of Waiting

Since being in Boston, I feel like we have been waiting.We have been waiting for school to start, waiting to make friends, waiting to finish raising our support, and waiting for life to seem normal. I am not good at waiting. I dont like it all. I want things to be the way that I envision them to be and I want it to happen now. But what I have discovered is that in the midst of all the waiting, is that God has something special for us. I tend to miss the importance of waiting because I reject it at every turn. I try and run through the periods in my life where I am waiting. God has been gracious to allow me to see that the waiting period is not necessarily waiting, it is life, it is season of time. It is not one to run from or get angry about or complain about. It is a time to embrace, to rejoice and be excited about. I am reminded that if I am not careful I could miss this special time with God.

Waiting is an active time. It is a time of expectations and a time of excitement. It is time where we run to God and rely on Him like no other. I vividly remember periods in my life where I felt like all I was doing was waiting. I was waiting for God to come through, to provide somehow, for things to be different. As difficult as those time were, there were also some of the sweetest times with God. I had to trust in ways that I never imagined. He became everything to me. I would read scripture and would come alive, there was a need that only he could meet.

I think back to Moses and him traveling with all the Israelites in the desert. How often they were annoyed and frustrated with where they were. They wanted the promise land, they wanted to be in the place where God had promised them. I find myself relating to the Israelites. I can get anxious and complain. I can become frustrated with where we are but then I am reminded that these periods are special, they are times were we experience God in ways that we never could of imagined. The Israelites saw God provide in ways that they couldn't help but acknowledge Him and his power! Seasons of waiting tend to be those times when every comfort and effort is stripped from you and all you are left to rely on is God. How difficult but sweet that is, to experience God in those ways.

Like I said, we are waiting. We are waiting for things to start, relationships to be made and for things to seem normal. Currently though, instead of complaining, I find myself at peace. Instead of getting anxious and fearful of how it will work out, I am resting in the my Saviors arms. I am excited about the period of life God has us in. I am excited for our future! I rest assured of God's promises. I trust in God who is good and knows what is best!

"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness

while I am here in the land of the living.

Wait patiently for the Lord.

Be brave and courageous.

Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

 -Psalm 27:13-14

God Reveals

In the journey to a new city, you learn lots about yourself. Moving is never easy on anyone. It seems to  amplify those areas in your life that you tended to try and control. In essence, God reveals the idols in your life and let me tell you, it is never a fun thing. As you might remember from previous post, I love control. I like to know that everything is going to be ok and that it will all work. It would appear that God really wants me to understand this concept that I am never really in control. That clinging to the idol of security, control, money and safety will get me nothing. Through the last couple of weeks, God has been gracious to help me understand that I cling to my idols instead of Him. He is wanting me to be free from them and be able to claim that HE ALONE is the BLESSED CONTROLLER OF ALL THINGS.

Since arriving up to Boston, everything seems to be just a little harder than we thought. The process of getting settled into our new home has not been the easiest and I feel like at every turn there just one more thing that we didnt think of or one more thing we have to do. BUT in the process of it all, God has been faithful. I have been reading through, Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow. I tend to be a person that focuses on everything that doesn't work out, the failures and my fears. But in reading the book and scripture, I am reminded of Philippians 4:4-9:

" Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

I realize that I am called to rejoice in everything. To rejoice when things are hard and when they dont go the way that I want. I am called to not be anxious, to trust in the God, the blessed controller of all things. I am to dwell on the truth and not on the things that could happen. I am to praise God for who is, faithful, trustworthy, gracious and constant. 

So in the midst of all the craziness of moving. In the whirlwind of life as I know it right now, I am learning to choose to cling to cross where God demonstrated how much he loved me. I am clinging to the promise that God will never leave me nor forsake me. God is the one that is in control and slowly but surely I am able to allow this truth to move from my head down to my heart!

We have arrived

We are officially living in Boston, well South Hamilton, but close enough! We got up to Massachusetts  almost 2 weeks ago. It is crazy to think that this is our home now! We are slowly adjusting to life in the Northeast.

 As each day passes, we are slowly discovering the difference in life up here. 

Here are some of them:

    1)  We got our drivers license last week. The DMV is actually called the RMV here and it was located in the mall.

     2)  The highways have no lane to merge onto, so when you are coming up on the highway, you have to slow down to make sure there are no cars, then slam on the gas to quickly jump up to 60 mph.

     3) Most gas stations are full service, which means they pump your gas for you. 

     4) There is only ONE Starbucks close to us hundreds of Dunkin Donuts!

I will continue throughout the year telling you of the differences so you can experience life with us! 

For all you those wondering, here are some pics of our dorm apartment. We are learning to like it. It has lots of space that we love, it is cheap and Chris can walk to class. Some downfalls, no dishwasher and no washer and dryer. I did just discover the garbage disposal last night which I was beyond happy about!

My pinterest/friend inspired project. Thanks Robin Johnsey and Caitlyn Joiner!

 Not everything we own could fit into the cabinets- we have less room in the kitchen, so we make it work with extra shelving units!

 Our coffee section- the coffe maker is on the other side of the sink!

Lots more decorating needed on the walls- this is just the beginning. 

Bookcase in the bedroom. More work is needed!

The closest. It is small :( I have stored all winter things up in the attic of the building. 

The Seminary :) 

Heres to the beginning of a new life in the Northeast!!!