Love Story: Part 3

The next part of the story passed by so quickly. You remember that we had intentionally hung out for the past couple of months, so when we started dating, we were both fully in, it was wonderful. It was nice to not have to guess how he was feeling, he would tell me or I could ask him. We were boyfriend and girlfriend, the real deal. We could now hold hands, he could give me a real hug and even kiss me- wooohoo!!

The game changer happened about 4 weeks into dating. I had just gotten back from a trip to Indy and Chris picked me up at the airport. Which by the way, I loved having someone pick me up J After so many years of having to figure out who to take me to the airport, taking public transportation or parking my car, it was so nice to have someone want to pick me up. Anyways, he picked me up, I loved it. We were back at my house just hanging out and talking. Chris got really serious and said that he had something he wanted to tell me. He was being very serious. I was getting a little nervous. We are sitting there and he looks into my eyes and tells me the most precious words I had ever heard- I LOVE YOU!!! YAYAYAYAYYA!! He had fallen for me, he loved me! I of course already knowing that he was the one and that I loved him, said it back calmly, I love you too! We were in love!! Since I said it so quickly back to him, he said it again and was like you know what this means. I knew what I wanted it to mean, but I said I didn’t b/c I didn’t want to say it meant more than what he thought. He told me that he wanted to meet my parents, talk to my dad; he wanted to be with me FOREVER! He chose me, he wanted me! I was elated, he was it!! I mean, yes, it was only 4 weeks of dating but he loved me and I loved him. This was it. He was the one I had been praying for and waiting for. I was the one he was praying for and waiting for. God answered my prayers, it was such a sweet moment of God’s provision and perfect timing. Chris had been praying that the next girl he dated would be the girl that he married, which is why he waited so long to officially start dating me. When he told me he wanted to date me, he was 90% sure he wanted to marry me. I loved that. I loved that the guessing game was over. God is so good and I still feel so overwhelming blessed to be married to Chris! I am in awe of the way God works!

Our first picture together 

I called my mom and told her, she was beyond excited. I told her that we wanted to come down so that Chris could meet them and talk to dad. They were maybe taken back a little bit by the quickness but they also had been praying and trusted in the Lords timing. We booked flights to fly down a couple of weeks later.

We fly to Orlando and the weekend was the most chaotic weekend of all time. You see, the same weekend we were there was the same weekend my brother was bringing his then girlfriend, now wife home to meet the family for the first time. My oldest sister has in town with her 4 kids because her husband had mono and they didn’t want the kids to get sick, so they came to Orlando to stay for a little bit. My other sister started dating her now husband that weekend too- it was crazy! Plus my parents had planned a massive memorial day party for that weekend for tons of people. We flew into town and went to dinner right away with my parents and oldest sister. As crazy as everything was, I was so grateful that so much of my family got to meet Chris. Right after dinner, we pull up into the driveway and my dad asks Chris if we want to go out and talk. The only free time to talk was that first night. Let me tell you, knowing that you dad is talking to your boyfriend and he is asking for permission to marry you is unreal. I was nervous. I knew I had nothing to be nervous about but it is a big deal. Well as you may imagine, my dad said yes. He did ask Chris if he thought he could handle me, apparently I have a strong personality J Of course he said yes!

                                                                                                       

4th of July in Charlotte

June came around and I had to fly out to Colorado for the whole summer. Chris had to stay in Atlanta with his job so we did the distance bit for 2 months. Let me tell you, it is no fun. We are both not phone people, so this was no fun at all. You add the 2 hour time difference and our conversation were not always the best. I would like to think that it made us stronger; I mean it really did but I was grateful when the time did come to an end.  I did get to fly back to Atlanta on 4^th of July. We went to a wedding of some friends and then drove to Charlotte so that I could meet his whole extended family. It was such a fun weekend and so great to spend time with his family.  4^th of July is Chris’s favorite holiday. He loves getting to be with his family and be on the lake and I loved that I got to spend it with him! I thought that maybe he might propose that weekend. I mean he had already asked my dad, we both loved each other and we knew that we didn’t want to wait long. But he didn’t ask. He did pick out and buy that weekend J 

As July rolled on, the convos continued and I was quite the impatient one. We both knew that we were going to get engaged, we had actually set a date but still weren’t engaged. I bought my wedding dress out in Fort Collins, CO before we were engaged as well. Sometimes you got to switch things up. I actually did it b/c I was with all my sisters and mom and wanted them to be a part of it. With the dress picked out, the date set, I was just waiting for that ring to be on my finger…..

Love Story: Part 2

So life continued. Chris came on our winter retreat to help out and then he started helping coaching AHS girls soccer team w/ me. I mean, at this point, I was thinking that he had to be interested. I mean, he wanted to coach with me, which I read, he wants to spend every day with me J I still think that is partly true but he also did really like soccer. After the winter retreat I thought I would make a bold move. I got free tickets to Blue Man Group and decided to take the big leap and ask Chris to come with, as friends of course. I wanted to wait for him to ask me on the first real date. I nervously dialed his number, he answered, I told him about the Blue Man Group, very casually of course, and he said, NO. What the heck! He told me he had a crossfit workout- for real. He chose the gym over me, well over the Blue Man group, but still. I think he still regrets that decision, his loss. 

Fastbreak/Winter Conference- We sat next to each other. I really liked him. He liked me, he just didnt know it yet :) 

The soccer season continued and I flirted with Chris, we talked, we hung out, he helped with ministry, etc. I still had no idea what he thought about me. I was definitely interested. I deleted my e-harmony account b/c I was pretty confident in this possibility. I remember on Valentines Day, praying for the whole situation with Chris. God had been so faithful in the past to reveal to me when the guy wasn’t it. As I was praying, I felt this peace pass over me and this confidence that Chris was the one. He was the guy I was going to marry. I had never felt this feeling before. Let me remind you that we still hadn’t really even gone a real date. I had no idea if he was really interested in me. But I felt like the Lord said, this is it; this is who you have been praying for. I kept this sweet little knowledge to myself and my mother of course. I knew that she wouldn’t think I was crazy. My mom had faithfully been praying each day that God would bring my husband into my life. When I told her, she was excited and started to pray more specifically with me.

One of the many pre-dating times we hung out

Not too soon after my revelation from the Lord, Chris asked me on a date. Well, he calls it a semi-date. He would say that our first real date was in March and this little hang out was just a pre-date- whatever that means. He was interested, but not really fully interested yet, so he had to go slow. We had soccer games every Friday night, so after one of the games in Feb, we went and grab some food, super casual, but also very fun. We talked, we ate, he paid, and it was great! We continued these little dates for about a month. Now let me tell you, not many people around me were happy at this point with Chris. They felt like he was leading me on, which in some ways he might have been but I was interested and felt like he was the one, so I was willing to wait it out. It wasn’t easy at times, I read into everything and many times tried to figure out what he was thinking by talking to just about everyone I knew that knew both of us. I never really knew exactly what he was thinking but I wanted to wait till I knew for certain.

Now the real date was in March. He called to ask me out a week in advance and planned this whole night. Unfortunately we had a fundraising dinner for soccer that we needed to attend that same night. We decided to do both. He picked me up for the date, I dressed all fancy, he wore a sports jacket and we had a fabulous night. We went to the soccer dinner part first, didn’t eat anything b/c we had a real dinner afterwards. He took me to this sweet little Thai place, which had the most amazing food. This is the part of the date that threw me for a loop though. We are driving home after a nice date and we pull up into the driveway. I open my door, assuming that Chris is going to walk me to the door, but he doesn’t!!! I get out, walk around the car and walk to the front door, ALONE! He claims that he froze and didn’t know what to do. The driveway was in the back of the house, the town homes that have all the front doors facing each other to make it more pleasing to the eye. Needless to say, he didn’t walk me to the door, I didn’t think he had a great time; I thought he was not interested. You can see now how girls read into EVERYTHING!

As we all know how the story ends, he did like me. He just froze, totally forgiven. From March to April, we continued to go on dates. He would pay, I would eat, it was glorious. You see though, we still never talked about how we felt. So this whole time, I was reading into everything he did to try and figure out what he was feeling. He was the good guy that gave me side hugs, never tried to kiss me or even hold my hand. I was left wondering.

Spring break happened, well it happened for the high school kids and we got to enjoy it as well b/c we work with them. Chris jetted off to Cali to spend time with his sister and I went with the soccer team to the beach. That whole entire week, Chris only texted me twice!!! Seriously, we were steadily going on dates and only 2 text messages the ENTIRE WEEK, 7 DAYS!!! I am not going to lie; I started to freak out a little. I thought it was done. I was starting to get a little sad.

I get back to ATL and Chris calls me, a very pleasant surprise after a week of only 2 text messages. He asks me to pick him up from the airport. Of course I said yes. I mean at this point I was not only crushing and falling for him; I was starting to fall in LOVE with him. Yes, my people, LOVE! I picked him up @ the airport and drove him to his car, which was parked at the Marta station up north. We sat in the car and talked more. We talked a lot. At one point, he kind of starts playing with my hand and holding it!!! YES!!! HE LIKED ME!!! He then got out the car and said he bought me something while he was in Cali. He was actually thinking about me while he was out there. He did only send 2 text messages but he bought me something, I was BEYOND EXCITED!!! He handed me this cute little stuffed animal and asked me to come to his house for dinner the next night!

The next night I went over to his house. This was the first time I had gone over there and he cooked me this amazing Mexican dinner. We ate on the porch on a perfect April night. As the night went on, the conversation started to get a little more serious. Chris started sharing how he felt about me and that he had been praying all week in Cali about what to do next when it came to us. (That is one of the reason why he didn’t talk to me the whole week, he wanted a clear mind to really hear from the Lord about what to do with us- it would have been nice to know in advance but oh well) He said that he wanted to officially start dating, like boyfriend, girlfriend, we are a couple, we don’t date other people type relationship. I was game, and once again, I said yes. We officially started dating on April 8^th, 2011……

Love Story: Part I

Two years ago today I married the love of my life, Christopher Cary Sloan Sibben. That day was unlike any other day. It was the day that I had dreamed and prayed about for years. It was a day that all my expectations and hopes were filled. It was a beautiful day, one that I will never forget.

I have always wanted to be married. I remember in high school and college just hoping that I would find the right guy, get married and live happily ever after. I thought for sure that it would be right when I graduated college. Well, that didn’t happen, God had other plans. A broken heart and a broken dream, I graduated and was onto the next adventure in life. I joined staff with Student Venture and moved up to Atlanta, GA. I spent the next 4 years living life, doing ministry and going on dates. I definitely had some interesting dates. I always made a promise to myself that if a guy asked me out, I would say yes to at least one date- I mean it was free dinner, but really they were fun and made for some great stories.

I still deeply desired to be married but I wanted to be married to the right guy. I had seen the type of marriage that my older sister and parents had. I wanted a marriage like that, one centered on Christ, sacrificially loving the other person. I didn’t want to be married to just anyone, I wanted to be married to the one God had for me. I waited and waited, I prayed lots and at times questioned if God would ever bring that guy into my life. I thought many times that there was some special formula to get God to bring my husband, like if I was content and satisfied in Him, if I wasn’t looking, etc. But there is no formula, I could only ask and pray that God would move and fulfill this desire-he does, when the timing is right!

In May of 2010, I met Chris for lunch at a local sandwich shop. Chris actually doesn’t remember this meeting, but I do. We were having lunch with my boss, Darren, and talking about having Chris help me with ministry @ Alpharetta High School. Chris talked to Darren about sports while I sat there and ate my sandwich. I thought he was cute and he was single, I was definitely intrigued. Darren was thinking that I would be a good fit for Chris as well, but them talking sports did nothing to help me. We had lunch and went our separate ways. The summer came and went and I didn’t see of talk to Chris @ all.

In August, the school year stared again and Chris started helping out @ Student Venture. He would come to the weekly meetings and we started to get to know each other better. I then started going to the church that he worked at, I was looking for a new church, it was just a bonus that he was there ☺ As the semester went on, we would talk but nothing really happened.  At this point, I was definitely crushing on him. I thought he was HOT, he was athletic, loved Jesus and was in ministry. In November of 2010, I heard through the grapevine that he took a girl out on a date in Charlotte. I was crushed. I thought for sure that he liked me, I mean; he would talk to me after church for what seemed forever, little did I know that was his job. I took my crushed spirit and did what I thought was the best thing, joined e-harmony! I proceeded to go on some really crazy, funny dates. I remember during one of the dates actually telling the guy I had something else to go to that night because it was so bad. Anyways, the e-harmony thing really wasn’t working out that well, but I stuck with it.

In January, Chris called me to ask me out to coffee. I remember I was @ Passion and didn’t hear the phone ring. I listened to his messaged and freaked out. I was so excited; he wanted to get coffee with ME!!! I mean he did say that he wanted to talk about ministry and getting more involved, but I knew he wanted more. I did wait a day to call him back, I didn’t want him to think I was interested, ya know. But really, who am I kidding, I was unbelievable excited that he called me and wanted to hang out. So, we went to coffee. I remember exactly where we were sitting, what I wore and what we talked about. We sat for 3 hours and talked and talked. We did talk about ministry but we talked a lot about life and got to know each other. It was magical ☺ I was falling, very quickly and very hard…..

It is not about me....

I know that statement is very easy for us to say and we might even believe that it is the way that we live our lives. For me though, I can say that this life isn’t about me, but I tend to live it like it is.  I am consumed with myself most days. Even being married, I think about Chris a lot but I still spend most of my day thinking about myself, how I feel, how things will effect me and so on. I don’t like this characteristic about myself. I want to be about other people, I want my life to be about serving others and loving others well; but so often I am wrapped up in myself.

I recently just finished reading Tim Keller’s book on Galatians. The last two chapters really hit this idea home for me. The focus of the chapter is Galatians 5:26-6. The verse that really challenged me was verse 26- “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying others”. The greek word for conceit is kenodoxoi, which means “vain-glorious” or  “empty of honor”. Basically it is telling us that when we are conceited we are doing one of two things: we either think of ourselves as better than others, or we see ourselves as inferior to others. Because of this when we are conceited we will end up either provoking or envying others.  We want to provoke others when we think too highly of ourselves and constantly compare ourselves to others to prove we are better than them. We envy others when we think too little of ourselves and look to and desire what others have. We always want something that others have because we believe it will make us feel better. In either case we need others to determine our own worth and value.

I love how the gospel intersects this area of my life. You see the gospel continues to remind that it is never about me. It is never about what I do or how I compare to other people. The gospel reminds me that I am a sinner saved by grace and in desperate need of a savior. It also tells me that I am more loved and cherished than I ever could imagine. You see it takes away that need for comparing myself to others because I am not better than any one else. We are all the same, and are all in need of Jesus. It also takes away the need for others to give me value because my righteousness and worth is rooted in Christ- He loves me; He is my identity and value.

When I live in the freedom of this truth and allow the gospel to really take root in my life it frees me up to enjoy life. It frees me up to embrace others, to take on challenges that I don’t think I can do and it frees me to fail. It allows me to be ok with the future because I know it isn’t about me. It has never been about me nor will it ever be about me. What it is about is Christ working in me to do the work that He has called me to. He will provide what I need to do the things he has called me and my family to do.

For more information check out Tim Keller’s book on Galatians:
 http://www.amazon.com/Galatians-You-Reading-Feeding-Leading/dp/1908762578/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377140808&sr=8-1&keywords=tim+keller+galatians

Learning to Listen

I have been reading a couple of books on listening. One is Soultalk by Larry Crabb and the other one is Can you Hear Me Now by Dallas Demmitt. Both are very good and enlightening. I have always viewed myself as a good listener but I have come to think differently. As I read these books that describe listening and having life giving conversations, I find myself not really knowing too much. For me, when I engage in conversation with people, I listen to what they say, but then I usually try and solve their problem or find a way to relate to them. I have come to discover that I do this because it is selfish. Giving advice is not a bad thing or trying to relate it to yourself is not bad either, but when that becomes the norm in your conversation, I realize for myself, it is selfish. 

The conversations that these books describes take work. It take really listening and and engaging with the person you are in front of. For me, it means turning off my cell phone and focusing on the person. I have not finished SoulTalk, but from what I have read, I love it. It talks about thinking beneath what is being said. Not trying to solve the persons problems but loving them and most importantly, listening to the Holy Spirit. I want to give the people I meet with more of Jesus, not more of Melody. In order to be able to hear the Spirit, it means that I have to be spending time with God. I have to be aware of what Gods heart is for me personally as well as the person I am meeting with. It take intentionality. 

I have found in general that there is usually a lot more to what people are saying than what they say at first. I am talking about the harder, deep, life conversations that people have. When we start sharing, we don't always know what is going on in our heart ourselves, so it makes it difficult to share with others. But the thing is, I have found that we want to know, we want to be able to describe what is going on in our life. I know I do. I know that it takes me a while to get there. It takes a person being patient to listen, to create an environment that is safe and welcomingr. It takes work and takes time. My husband is a very good listener, he is the kind that gives life to people when you talk to him. He never makes it about himself and he usually is pretty good about not trying to solve the problem. 

I am still learning about what it looks like to listen and listen well. I want to be a part of conversations that brings Jesus to people. I know that it will take practice. I know that it requires hard work. But I also know that this kind of listening can bring hope to hurting people. It can introduce them to a God who loves them and cares about them. I am part of the body of Christ and I can be an extension of Gods love by listening to those in front of me, not making it about me or trying to solve their problems. I don't want to run away if the problem seems to big or too difficult. I want to sit in the mess of this life that we have at times. I want to be anchored in Christ and who he says that I am, that I don't look for others and conversation to validate me. I want them to know that there is God who is with them! I want to be used by God!

Persistence

This week was my turn to speak at our weekly Cru meeting. We have been going through parables so I decided that I would talk about the persistent widow. I have always been a pretty persistent person so I thought this would be easy to relate to. Growing up I would ask and ask again for things. When I really wanted something and set my mind to it, I would not give up. This can be a good quality at times but also obnoxious to those on the other end.

As I read this parable and prepared for it, it was pretty straightforward. Jesus is encouraging the disciples to persist in their prayers, to not lose heart. He shares the story of the persistent widow and the unjust judge. You can find it in Luke 18. He explains that if the unjust judge who didn’t care for people or God, would give justice to the widow, how much more will our heavenly father who loves us, give us justice. It is an encouragement to persist in our prayers, to keep coming before God and asking him for things.

I was thinking about the application for it and it struck me that as much as a persistent person I am, when it comes to praying for other people and other things, I lack that persistence. I am very persistent when it comes to my own issues but for some reason I lack it for others. It was like this light bulb went off in my head, not one that I really liked but good to know. Don’t get me wrong; I do pray for others, I am just not persistent in my prayers for them mostly because I forget. I get consumed in my own world and my own wants. This is something that I want to change. I want to be a person that prays consistently for others. I don’t want to skip through life and be consumed with own little world but to be consumed with others.

I am so glad that I serve a God who is gracious to help me do this. I know left to my own strength I will fail. In my own strength, I will stay consumed with self but through God’s strength I can begin to persist in prayers for other people. I love that I don’t have to try and do it on my own; instead I can go before God and ask him to do it in and through me! It is such a relief to know that I can rest in him. What a mighty, loving and grace-filled God I get to serve!

Resting

I have learned a lot about resting over the past month. For most of my life I have struggled with what it looks like rest and then to actually do it. I tend to find my value in what I do and honestly I really like accomplishing tasks as well as staying busy. I have always seen resting as something that people do but it really never quite fit into my schedule. I always felt that the things I had to do and my schedule was more important than that. I have seen the things I do as dependent upon me and my completely it. I know this is not a good thing. I know our bodies need rest but I really have struggled to actually take the time to do it.

Lucky for me, I married a man who is really good at resting. Chris has this amazing ability to put things aside and take a break. Even when his schedule is busy and there is lots going on he finds time to stop. I have been amazed at his ability to do this. I always viewed the task at hand as the most important thing, but my husband sees life as a whole and his well being as well as his relationship with God and others as most important. I love that so much about him! I love that he takes the commandment to rest seriously. He doesn't seem to get caught up in the pressure of this world to do more. He does what he is called to do and then rests when he needs to.

In the very beginning of time, we received the command to rest. As we all know, God created the world in 6 days and then took the 7th day is rest. I mean if the creator of the universe worked for 6 days and rested on the 7th, you would think that we should follow his example. Then when Jesus comes along, we see him many times throughout scripture that he pulled away to spend time with God, to rest.

I am learning slowly the importance and value of rest. I am learning what is looks like to take the commandment of having a Sabbath day. I have been reading a book on rest by Mark Buchanan. He talks about how we are called to take an actual day of rest but that resting is also a state of mind. That through our relationship with God, we are able to approach each day in a state of rest. When I think about this, I see how amazing this would be. In Hebrews 10, it describes how Jesus as our High Priest had offered himself as the ultimate sacrifice and is now SITTING at Gods right hand. He did the ultimate work and is now resting. What hope and peace we can find in this. We dont have to work to gain the approval of others or to be seen as valuable. We can actually REST. We still do the work we have been called to do but we do it in the state of REST. We give it all to God. Like the verse in Matthew, we give him our yoke and take his yoke, which is easy and light. I am still learning....

Matthew 11:28-29 “…Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”