The long winter months.....

Winter has just arrived in the Northeast. Well it has been here for a couple of weeks but I am finally starting to feel the effects of shorter days and gloomy skies. Today the sun is shining which I am forever grateful. I have realized that my days in Florida have ruined me, I need the sun, I need the natural Vitamin D, but unfortunately, life in Boston will not give me that, which means I self-diagnosis myself with SAD- season affective disorder. But really, I think I have it. My moods seem to be so dictated by the weather.

As I have spent the last couple of days reflecting, I have realized that I am experiencing winter in my personal life.  Since being up here, I feel like I am in the endless months of winters. I get brief breaks when I get to see old friends, hear stories of how God is working and when I get to travel. But the reality is, I feel like I am waiting at the window and looking at the trees and praying and hoping that there are signs of springs. Praying that this place begins to feel like home, praying that I feel comfortable with the way of life and hoping that I don’t always feel like this.  I am praying that I don’t always feel lonely.  I know that community takes times and I can’t replicate the friendships and community that we had in Atlanta, but I long for it.  I know that God has called us up here and I know that he has great things in store for us. And yes, God has done amazing things so far and have moved in so many ways. But there are moments and days when I look at where we are and still feel like this isn’t quite home yet. I know that with time, things will change, but for now, I feel lost at times, not sure when things will change.

Chris and I have been doing advent the past 2 days and I have been struck by the way that it has ministered to me. We are going through The Greatest Gift by Ann Voscamp- it is amazing. Check is out here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Greatest-Gift-Unwrapping-Christmas/dp/1414387083. As I have been reading her book, along with the sermon from our church on Sunday, I have seen more clearly the reason and season of Advent. It is all about waiting. God’s people were waiting on a Messiah, they were waiting for him to come, with expectant hearts (maybe not all the time), and they were hopeful IN God that he would send the Messiah. I realize that I am very much in that spot in my life; I am waiting. Although in my waiting, I have not been expectant all the time. At times I have been depressed and hopeless. I think though about this season and this time in my life and how God is calling me to hope. To hope not for something but to hope in Him. To wait for Him with expectations. To believe that He can do anything.

My prayer as I enter into this season of Advent is that I learn to embrace the waiting period. That I learn to wait with an expectant heart, expectant that God will move. I want to hope IN Him and not hope for things. With my hope in Christ, I pray that my eyes are opened to new things, to see things I wouldn’t normally see, to appreciate the season I am in and embrace where we are. I pray that I draw closer to the Lord in this time of waiting, to fall deeper in love with Him.