The long winter months.....

Winter has just arrived in the Northeast. Well it has been here for a couple of weeks but I am finally starting to feel the effects of shorter days and gloomy skies. Today the sun is shining which I am forever grateful. I have realized that my days in Florida have ruined me, I need the sun, I need the natural Vitamin D, but unfortunately, life in Boston will not give me that, which means I self-diagnosis myself with SAD- season affective disorder. But really, I think I have it. My moods seem to be so dictated by the weather.

As I have spent the last couple of days reflecting, I have realized that I am experiencing winter in my personal life.  Since being up here, I feel like I am in the endless months of winters. I get brief breaks when I get to see old friends, hear stories of how God is working and when I get to travel. But the reality is, I feel like I am waiting at the window and looking at the trees and praying and hoping that there are signs of springs. Praying that this place begins to feel like home, praying that I feel comfortable with the way of life and hoping that I don’t always feel like this.  I am praying that I don’t always feel lonely.  I know that community takes times and I can’t replicate the friendships and community that we had in Atlanta, but I long for it.  I know that God has called us up here and I know that he has great things in store for us. And yes, God has done amazing things so far and have moved in so many ways. But there are moments and days when I look at where we are and still feel like this isn’t quite home yet. I know that with time, things will change, but for now, I feel lost at times, not sure when things will change.

Chris and I have been doing advent the past 2 days and I have been struck by the way that it has ministered to me. We are going through The Greatest Gift by Ann Voscamp- it is amazing. Check is out here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Greatest-Gift-Unwrapping-Christmas/dp/1414387083. As I have been reading her book, along with the sermon from our church on Sunday, I have seen more clearly the reason and season of Advent. It is all about waiting. God’s people were waiting on a Messiah, they were waiting for him to come, with expectant hearts (maybe not all the time), and they were hopeful IN God that he would send the Messiah. I realize that I am very much in that spot in my life; I am waiting. Although in my waiting, I have not been expectant all the time. At times I have been depressed and hopeless. I think though about this season and this time in my life and how God is calling me to hope. To hope not for something but to hope in Him. To wait for Him with expectations. To believe that He can do anything.

My prayer as I enter into this season of Advent is that I learn to embrace the waiting period. That I learn to wait with an expectant heart, expectant that God will move. I want to hope IN Him and not hope for things. With my hope in Christ, I pray that my eyes are opened to new things, to see things I wouldn’t normally see, to appreciate the season I am in and embrace where we are. I pray that I draw closer to the Lord in this time of waiting, to fall deeper in love with Him.

Love Story: The Wedding

We have arrived, the wedding day! I could spend time telling you about the engagement portion of our relationship but it went by so quickly. The planning process was pretty easy. I say that because I had the most amazing people around me that did most of the work. I am still eternally grateful for those people- Heather Reddy, Kourtney Street, Anne Alexander, Jaime O’Bryan and then all my amazing bridesmaids!

I love weddings because they bring together all the people you love and care about to one place. I have been so blessed to have so many dear friendships throughout my life. It was such a sweet time of getting to re-engage with old friends and see people I hadn’t seen in so long. Weddings are the best! In my family, we tend to do things big, so that is how my wedding was. We invited a ridiculous number of people and a lot of them came, it was wonderful! Chris and I both were so honored that people wanted to come and see us make a commitment to each other and to God.

My wonderful bridesmaids :) 

I had 9 bridesmaids and Chris had 5 groomsmen, it worked! I had my dear sisters, Heather, Courtney, Tiffany and Debbie, and then my bestest friends in the world- Amy, Meghan, Emily, Susanna and Beth. My sisters and friend mean so much to me. I will share more later on about how near and dear these friends are, they have helped me be who I am today. The day before the wedding, I had a bridal luncheon and was able to write them each a letter expressing how much I love them and how grateful I am for them. I was so glad to have that time. They in turn spent time praying over me and my marriage to Chris.

That night, we had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner was probably one of my favorite times of the whole weekend. What I loved best was getting to hear from Chris’ friends about the impact that he has had on their lives and the things they see in him. It was a time for us all to celebrate on what God had done and be with close friends and family.

Rehearsal 

November 5^th, 2011: In my book, is still one of the best days! I woke up and had time to spend with God and journal. My heart was so full of gratefulness and joy. I had been praying for a husband since I was in high school and now my prayers were being answered. I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness and gift. The morning went by quickly. We got breakfast, ran by Starbucks to get coffee (of course) and headed over to Cru. The weather that day was supposed to be a nice fall day for Florida- 70’s to 80’s and sunny, it was perfect!

We got ready, took some pictures and had a joyous time with all my bridesmaids! As we were walking back to the building where we were getting ready, you could tell that it was starting to get windy and it started to sprinkle a little bit. Mind you, the whole ceremony and reception were outside. My fearless wedding planner, Kourtney, came and told me not to worry, trust her and it will be great. I had not a worry or fear at all. In my mind, all that mattered was that I was marrying Chris! I would do it wherever, in the rain, the wind, inside, outside, I didn’t care, I just wanted to marry him.

The ceremony was held in between the two main buildings at Cru. The reception was on the other side with a dance floor in the middle and a mix of high and low tables surrounding it. We had white lights that strung across the whole lawn to light up the area; it was breathtaking!

The time came for my dad to walk me down the aisle. The bridesmaids walked down to ‘Come Thou Fount’, which I had one of my high school girls, Erin, sing. I remember the walk with my dad so clearly; it was such a sweet moment. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. This was it- I was getting married. I choose to walk down to How ‘He Loves Us ‘by David Crowder. I don’t think I stopped smiling the whole walk down. For the moment I saw Chris, there was a wave of peace that overcame me, he was my husband, I was his wife. God had ordained this and we were both so grateful. Chris just smiled as I slowly walked towards him.

The ceremony was wonderful and quick. Steve Sellers officiated the wedding. He has been like a second dad to me through my life and I always knew that I wanted him to marry me. I don’t remember much of the ceremony except for the part where we were taking communion. It was the first time as husband and wife that we partook in this sacred practice. Erin sang ‘In Christ Alone’. Chris prayed for our marriage during that time. We were committing our lives to each other but knowing full well that Christ must be at the center of it for it to work. We knew that hard times would come and what would hold us together was these moments and this commitment to each other, that through thick and thin we were there for each other. This wasn’t about us, it was about what God had brought together and we will fight for it and fight for each other. It is about sacrifice and loving the other person even when we don’t feel like it. We entered into a covenant relationship with each other and God that day, before family and friends, we committed to love each other and serve the other person! Steve pronounced us as husband and wife, for the first time, Mr. & Mrs. Christopher Sibben! As we walked down the aisle, two sand cranes flew over us, it was beautiful and once again a sweet reminder of God’s involvement and care in our lives!

We took some more pictures as husband and wife. We took pictures with family and the bridal party. As we were taking pictures, the wind picked up, the temperature dropped and the reception had to move inside. By the time we were done with picture, everything had been re-arranged. It actually ended up being a great thing. Chris and I stood in one spot and got to say to hi to everyone who came. I wish we had more time to sit down and talk to everyone, we had so many people make the trip down from Atlanta and other dear friends fly in, but that is life, there is never enough time. We both valued every conversation and every interaction we had that day.

The Sibben Family

The Rogers Family

My favorite part of the wedding was our dance. We danced to ‘Your Smiling Face’ by James Taylor. Since the reception had been moved inside, the dance floor was still outside. We walked out to the dance floor, underneath the white lights and danced. For the first few moments we were all alone, just us and the music!

Our first dance together

The wedding and reception didn’t go exactly as we had planned but the end result was tall the same, we were married and that was all that mattered. To me, the wedding and reception was perfect! We got to celebrate with family and friends and commit our lives to each other! It was a wonderful day and one that I am forever grateful for!

And our love stories continues as we figure out what it means to be married to each other and love each other as Christ calls us to! 

Mr. & Mrs. Christopher Sibben

Love Story: THE ENGAGEMENT

This is the second best part of the story. The best part is the wedding but this is the second, the engagement! It makes me so happy thinking about it!! Ok, so the end of the summer is happening. I just finished working on the program team for CSU. I was completely exhausted and yet very excited because I was going to see Chris soon! At the end of every CSU summer, our family has family vacation. I have a large family so gathering us all together outside of holidays is very difficult. We relish the time we all get to be together. We were blessed this summer to be able to use a house up in Estes Park. Oh my goodness, it was GORGEOUS. It sat in the valley of two mountains with a beautiful pond in front.

One of the many beautiful spots on the hike

We head up to Estes Park after the conference and enjoy the wonderful views and mountain air. Oh yea, a lot of family had the stomach bug- so gross. I don’t handle sickness well. I tried to stay away from any sick person b/c I didn’t want to be sick when Chris got there. I did a pretty good job and didn’t get sick. OK, so Chris comes into Denver and I drive down the mountain to get him. We have the most glorious reunion; we were back together again. We come back up and hang out with the family for the night. The next day was our day together, just us.

August 2^nd, 2011: We started out by going to Starbucks to get some breakfast and then headed up into Rocky Mountain National Park. We decided we wanted to spend the day hiking, so we found a spot and took a bus to a beautiful trailhead. While we were on the bus, I had my hand on Chris’s leg and thought I felt what was a ring box. I was really excited. I knew that it was going to happen on the hike. We hiked about 7 miles that day. I found us some of the most breathtaking views. I took us off the path so that we could have some privacy and obviously set the stage for him to propose. I had a great plan, but Christ apparently didn’t see my plan. I am quite the control freak and like to figure stuff out, I thought I had figured it out, I was just waiting for him to get down on one knee. After 7 miles of hiking, we came back to our car, no ring.

We grabbed some food at the grocery store to have a picnic dinner back at the house with everyone. We came home and we changed, packed the backpack and talked to the family. We are getting ready to leave the house and I had to run back into the house and grab something, that is when I heard someone say, “We need to be ready with the champagne when they get back”. This was it, I was beyond excited. I didn’t let Chris know at the time that I knew, I told him later. We hiked up to the top of one of the mountains by the house that had this porch type thing that overlooked the mountains, it let you see for miles. Chris set up the dinner and we talked. We walked over to the overlook and I turned around, he was down on one knee. I honestly to this day can’t remember what he said. I tried really hard to pay attention but I was so excited. He said many wonderful things and when asked, “will you marry me?” I replied very quickly with a “YES” It was one of the sweetest moments. We were alone, looking at all of God’s glorious creation and reflected on God’s goodness and perfect planning on bringing us together when he did. I was in awe of God and how gracious He is! We prayed together as we started this new journey together, that God would continue to be at the center of our relationship! 

Right after he proposed :)

Our picnic ended quickly b/c a massive storm rolled in, we ran down the mountain to my family who was waiting to celebrate with us. It was an amazing night. I loved that Chris knew how important my family was and wanted to propose when they were able to celebrate with us. It was the most perfect night! I was engaged to God's best for me, the man I had prayed so many years for. My prayers were being answered, my heart was so grateful. I am so blessed!

Celebrating with the family- I was very excited!!!

Funny story, the next day, I go to wake Chris up and I find him on the floor in his room. You know that stomach bug that everyone in my family had, yea, he got it too. I felt so bad. I ended up taking him to the clinic in town because he was so dehydrated. As he was sitting getting fluids, I finally had cell phone service and was able to text, call and post on Facebook and Instagram about our engagement. I probably looked liked the most uncompassionate person ever, I was sitting on my phone as Chris had an IV. I did ask Chris if it was ok if I did it while he was getting looked at, he was fine with it! I had to tell people-WE WERE ENGAGED!!!! Chris was sick the rest of the trip and got better in time for us to fly home. But all was right; we were engaged! The wedding planning could officially start :)

The most gorgeous ring EVER!! This picture does not do it justice. It is a family diamond (it is clear, it looks yellow in the picture, but it isn't) I LOVE IT- Chris did very well!!

Love Story: Part 3

The next part of the story passed by so quickly. You remember that we had intentionally hung out for the past couple of months, so when we started dating, we were both fully in, it was wonderful. It was nice to not have to guess how he was feeling, he would tell me or I could ask him. We were boyfriend and girlfriend, the real deal. We could now hold hands, he could give me a real hug and even kiss me- wooohoo!!

The game changer happened about 4 weeks into dating. I had just gotten back from a trip to Indy and Chris picked me up at the airport. Which by the way, I loved having someone pick me up J After so many years of having to figure out who to take me to the airport, taking public transportation or parking my car, it was so nice to have someone want to pick me up. Anyways, he picked me up, I loved it. We were back at my house just hanging out and talking. Chris got really serious and said that he had something he wanted to tell me. He was being very serious. I was getting a little nervous. We are sitting there and he looks into my eyes and tells me the most precious words I had ever heard- I LOVE YOU!!! YAYAYAYAYYA!! He had fallen for me, he loved me! I of course already knowing that he was the one and that I loved him, said it back calmly, I love you too! We were in love!! Since I said it so quickly back to him, he said it again and was like you know what this means. I knew what I wanted it to mean, but I said I didn’t b/c I didn’t want to say it meant more than what he thought. He told me that he wanted to meet my parents, talk to my dad; he wanted to be with me FOREVER! He chose me, he wanted me! I was elated, he was it!! I mean, yes, it was only 4 weeks of dating but he loved me and I loved him. This was it. He was the one I had been praying for and waiting for. I was the one he was praying for and waiting for. God answered my prayers, it was such a sweet moment of God’s provision and perfect timing. Chris had been praying that the next girl he dated would be the girl that he married, which is why he waited so long to officially start dating me. When he told me he wanted to date me, he was 90% sure he wanted to marry me. I loved that. I loved that the guessing game was over. God is so good and I still feel so overwhelming blessed to be married to Chris! I am in awe of the way God works!

Our first picture together 

I called my mom and told her, she was beyond excited. I told her that we wanted to come down so that Chris could meet them and talk to dad. They were maybe taken back a little bit by the quickness but they also had been praying and trusted in the Lords timing. We booked flights to fly down a couple of weeks later.

We fly to Orlando and the weekend was the most chaotic weekend of all time. You see, the same weekend we were there was the same weekend my brother was bringing his then girlfriend, now wife home to meet the family for the first time. My oldest sister has in town with her 4 kids because her husband had mono and they didn’t want the kids to get sick, so they came to Orlando to stay for a little bit. My other sister started dating her now husband that weekend too- it was crazy! Plus my parents had planned a massive memorial day party for that weekend for tons of people. We flew into town and went to dinner right away with my parents and oldest sister. As crazy as everything was, I was so grateful that so much of my family got to meet Chris. Right after dinner, we pull up into the driveway and my dad asks Chris if we want to go out and talk. The only free time to talk was that first night. Let me tell you, knowing that you dad is talking to your boyfriend and he is asking for permission to marry you is unreal. I was nervous. I knew I had nothing to be nervous about but it is a big deal. Well as you may imagine, my dad said yes. He did ask Chris if he thought he could handle me, apparently I have a strong personality J Of course he said yes!

                                                                                                       

4th of July in Charlotte

June came around and I had to fly out to Colorado for the whole summer. Chris had to stay in Atlanta with his job so we did the distance bit for 2 months. Let me tell you, it is no fun. We are both not phone people, so this was no fun at all. You add the 2 hour time difference and our conversation were not always the best. I would like to think that it made us stronger; I mean it really did but I was grateful when the time did come to an end.  I did get to fly back to Atlanta on 4^th of July. We went to a wedding of some friends and then drove to Charlotte so that I could meet his whole extended family. It was such a fun weekend and so great to spend time with his family.  4^th of July is Chris’s favorite holiday. He loves getting to be with his family and be on the lake and I loved that I got to spend it with him! I thought that maybe he might propose that weekend. I mean he had already asked my dad, we both loved each other and we knew that we didn’t want to wait long. But he didn’t ask. He did pick out and buy that weekend J 

As July rolled on, the convos continued and I was quite the impatient one. We both knew that we were going to get engaged, we had actually set a date but still weren’t engaged. I bought my wedding dress out in Fort Collins, CO before we were engaged as well. Sometimes you got to switch things up. I actually did it b/c I was with all my sisters and mom and wanted them to be a part of it. With the dress picked out, the date set, I was just waiting for that ring to be on my finger…..

Love Story: Part 2

So life continued. Chris came on our winter retreat to help out and then he started helping coaching AHS girls soccer team w/ me. I mean, at this point, I was thinking that he had to be interested. I mean, he wanted to coach with me, which I read, he wants to spend every day with me J I still think that is partly true but he also did really like soccer. After the winter retreat I thought I would make a bold move. I got free tickets to Blue Man Group and decided to take the big leap and ask Chris to come with, as friends of course. I wanted to wait for him to ask me on the first real date. I nervously dialed his number, he answered, I told him about the Blue Man Group, very casually of course, and he said, NO. What the heck! He told me he had a crossfit workout- for real. He chose the gym over me, well over the Blue Man group, but still. I think he still regrets that decision, his loss. 

Fastbreak/Winter Conference- We sat next to each other. I really liked him. He liked me, he just didnt know it yet :) 

The soccer season continued and I flirted with Chris, we talked, we hung out, he helped with ministry, etc. I still had no idea what he thought about me. I was definitely interested. I deleted my e-harmony account b/c I was pretty confident in this possibility. I remember on Valentines Day, praying for the whole situation with Chris. God had been so faithful in the past to reveal to me when the guy wasn’t it. As I was praying, I felt this peace pass over me and this confidence that Chris was the one. He was the guy I was going to marry. I had never felt this feeling before. Let me remind you that we still hadn’t really even gone a real date. I had no idea if he was really interested in me. But I felt like the Lord said, this is it; this is who you have been praying for. I kept this sweet little knowledge to myself and my mother of course. I knew that she wouldn’t think I was crazy. My mom had faithfully been praying each day that God would bring my husband into my life. When I told her, she was excited and started to pray more specifically with me.

One of the many pre-dating times we hung out

Not too soon after my revelation from the Lord, Chris asked me on a date. Well, he calls it a semi-date. He would say that our first real date was in March and this little hang out was just a pre-date- whatever that means. He was interested, but not really fully interested yet, so he had to go slow. We had soccer games every Friday night, so after one of the games in Feb, we went and grab some food, super casual, but also very fun. We talked, we ate, he paid, and it was great! We continued these little dates for about a month. Now let me tell you, not many people around me were happy at this point with Chris. They felt like he was leading me on, which in some ways he might have been but I was interested and felt like he was the one, so I was willing to wait it out. It wasn’t easy at times, I read into everything and many times tried to figure out what he was thinking by talking to just about everyone I knew that knew both of us. I never really knew exactly what he was thinking but I wanted to wait till I knew for certain.

Now the real date was in March. He called to ask me out a week in advance and planned this whole night. Unfortunately we had a fundraising dinner for soccer that we needed to attend that same night. We decided to do both. He picked me up for the date, I dressed all fancy, he wore a sports jacket and we had a fabulous night. We went to the soccer dinner part first, didn’t eat anything b/c we had a real dinner afterwards. He took me to this sweet little Thai place, which had the most amazing food. This is the part of the date that threw me for a loop though. We are driving home after a nice date and we pull up into the driveway. I open my door, assuming that Chris is going to walk me to the door, but he doesn’t!!! I get out, walk around the car and walk to the front door, ALONE! He claims that he froze and didn’t know what to do. The driveway was in the back of the house, the town homes that have all the front doors facing each other to make it more pleasing to the eye. Needless to say, he didn’t walk me to the door, I didn’t think he had a great time; I thought he was not interested. You can see now how girls read into EVERYTHING!

As we all know how the story ends, he did like me. He just froze, totally forgiven. From March to April, we continued to go on dates. He would pay, I would eat, it was glorious. You see though, we still never talked about how we felt. So this whole time, I was reading into everything he did to try and figure out what he was feeling. He was the good guy that gave me side hugs, never tried to kiss me or even hold my hand. I was left wondering.

Spring break happened, well it happened for the high school kids and we got to enjoy it as well b/c we work with them. Chris jetted off to Cali to spend time with his sister and I went with the soccer team to the beach. That whole entire week, Chris only texted me twice!!! Seriously, we were steadily going on dates and only 2 text messages the ENTIRE WEEK, 7 DAYS!!! I am not going to lie; I started to freak out a little. I thought it was done. I was starting to get a little sad.

I get back to ATL and Chris calls me, a very pleasant surprise after a week of only 2 text messages. He asks me to pick him up from the airport. Of course I said yes. I mean at this point I was not only crushing and falling for him; I was starting to fall in LOVE with him. Yes, my people, LOVE! I picked him up @ the airport and drove him to his car, which was parked at the Marta station up north. We sat in the car and talked more. We talked a lot. At one point, he kind of starts playing with my hand and holding it!!! YES!!! HE LIKED ME!!! He then got out the car and said he bought me something while he was in Cali. He was actually thinking about me while he was out there. He did only send 2 text messages but he bought me something, I was BEYOND EXCITED!!! He handed me this cute little stuffed animal and asked me to come to his house for dinner the next night!

The next night I went over to his house. This was the first time I had gone over there and he cooked me this amazing Mexican dinner. We ate on the porch on a perfect April night. As the night went on, the conversation started to get a little more serious. Chris started sharing how he felt about me and that he had been praying all week in Cali about what to do next when it came to us. (That is one of the reason why he didn’t talk to me the whole week, he wanted a clear mind to really hear from the Lord about what to do with us- it would have been nice to know in advance but oh well) He said that he wanted to officially start dating, like boyfriend, girlfriend, we are a couple, we don’t date other people type relationship. I was game, and once again, I said yes. We officially started dating on April 8^th, 2011……

Love Story: Part I

Two years ago today I married the love of my life, Christopher Cary Sloan Sibben. That day was unlike any other day. It was the day that I had dreamed and prayed about for years. It was a day that all my expectations and hopes were filled. It was a beautiful day, one that I will never forget.

I have always wanted to be married. I remember in high school and college just hoping that I would find the right guy, get married and live happily ever after. I thought for sure that it would be right when I graduated college. Well, that didn’t happen, God had other plans. A broken heart and a broken dream, I graduated and was onto the next adventure in life. I joined staff with Student Venture and moved up to Atlanta, GA. I spent the next 4 years living life, doing ministry and going on dates. I definitely had some interesting dates. I always made a promise to myself that if a guy asked me out, I would say yes to at least one date- I mean it was free dinner, but really they were fun and made for some great stories.

I still deeply desired to be married but I wanted to be married to the right guy. I had seen the type of marriage that my older sister and parents had. I wanted a marriage like that, one centered on Christ, sacrificially loving the other person. I didn’t want to be married to just anyone, I wanted to be married to the one God had for me. I waited and waited, I prayed lots and at times questioned if God would ever bring that guy into my life. I thought many times that there was some special formula to get God to bring my husband, like if I was content and satisfied in Him, if I wasn’t looking, etc. But there is no formula, I could only ask and pray that God would move and fulfill this desire-he does, when the timing is right!

In May of 2010, I met Chris for lunch at a local sandwich shop. Chris actually doesn’t remember this meeting, but I do. We were having lunch with my boss, Darren, and talking about having Chris help me with ministry @ Alpharetta High School. Chris talked to Darren about sports while I sat there and ate my sandwich. I thought he was cute and he was single, I was definitely intrigued. Darren was thinking that I would be a good fit for Chris as well, but them talking sports did nothing to help me. We had lunch and went our separate ways. The summer came and went and I didn’t see of talk to Chris @ all.

In August, the school year stared again and Chris started helping out @ Student Venture. He would come to the weekly meetings and we started to get to know each other better. I then started going to the church that he worked at, I was looking for a new church, it was just a bonus that he was there ☺ As the semester went on, we would talk but nothing really happened.  At this point, I was definitely crushing on him. I thought he was HOT, he was athletic, loved Jesus and was in ministry. In November of 2010, I heard through the grapevine that he took a girl out on a date in Charlotte. I was crushed. I thought for sure that he liked me, I mean; he would talk to me after church for what seemed forever, little did I know that was his job. I took my crushed spirit and did what I thought was the best thing, joined e-harmony! I proceeded to go on some really crazy, funny dates. I remember during one of the dates actually telling the guy I had something else to go to that night because it was so bad. Anyways, the e-harmony thing really wasn’t working out that well, but I stuck with it.

In January, Chris called me to ask me out to coffee. I remember I was @ Passion and didn’t hear the phone ring. I listened to his messaged and freaked out. I was so excited; he wanted to get coffee with ME!!! I mean he did say that he wanted to talk about ministry and getting more involved, but I knew he wanted more. I did wait a day to call him back, I didn’t want him to think I was interested, ya know. But really, who am I kidding, I was unbelievable excited that he called me and wanted to hang out. So, we went to coffee. I remember exactly where we were sitting, what I wore and what we talked about. We sat for 3 hours and talked and talked. We did talk about ministry but we talked a lot about life and got to know each other. It was magical ☺ I was falling, very quickly and very hard…..

It is not about me....

I know that statement is very easy for us to say and we might even believe that it is the way that we live our lives. For me though, I can say that this life isn’t about me, but I tend to live it like it is.  I am consumed with myself most days. Even being married, I think about Chris a lot but I still spend most of my day thinking about myself, how I feel, how things will effect me and so on. I don’t like this characteristic about myself. I want to be about other people, I want my life to be about serving others and loving others well; but so often I am wrapped up in myself.

I recently just finished reading Tim Keller’s book on Galatians. The last two chapters really hit this idea home for me. The focus of the chapter is Galatians 5:26-6. The verse that really challenged me was verse 26- “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying others”. The greek word for conceit is kenodoxoi, which means “vain-glorious” or  “empty of honor”. Basically it is telling us that when we are conceited we are doing one of two things: we either think of ourselves as better than others, or we see ourselves as inferior to others. Because of this when we are conceited we will end up either provoking or envying others.  We want to provoke others when we think too highly of ourselves and constantly compare ourselves to others to prove we are better than them. We envy others when we think too little of ourselves and look to and desire what others have. We always want something that others have because we believe it will make us feel better. In either case we need others to determine our own worth and value.

I love how the gospel intersects this area of my life. You see the gospel continues to remind that it is never about me. It is never about what I do or how I compare to other people. The gospel reminds me that I am a sinner saved by grace and in desperate need of a savior. It also tells me that I am more loved and cherished than I ever could imagine. You see it takes away that need for comparing myself to others because I am not better than any one else. We are all the same, and are all in need of Jesus. It also takes away the need for others to give me value because my righteousness and worth is rooted in Christ- He loves me; He is my identity and value.

When I live in the freedom of this truth and allow the gospel to really take root in my life it frees me up to enjoy life. It frees me up to embrace others, to take on challenges that I don’t think I can do and it frees me to fail. It allows me to be ok with the future because I know it isn’t about me. It has never been about me nor will it ever be about me. What it is about is Christ working in me to do the work that He has called me to. He will provide what I need to do the things he has called me and my family to do.

For more information check out Tim Keller’s book on Galatians:
 http://www.amazon.com/Galatians-You-Reading-Feeding-Leading/dp/1908762578/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1377140808&sr=8-1&keywords=tim+keller+galatians